Are you dating an older fellow or thinking about dipping your toes into that more mature water? DON' T point out how "cute" his first grey chest hair is (OOPS). With age (often) comes maturity and chivalry—take advantage!Well, my dears, you've come to the right place. Or, in Jess's (Zooey Deschanel's character, for those of you who aren't fans yet) case, don't ask about his health: "How's your prostate? Cece even tells Jess as she's first considering dating Russell (the one and only Fancypants) that "he intimidates you because you wouldn't have to take care of him, he'd take care of you."DON' T make your man feel older than he actually is (or date yourself).

Texting is far from compatible with tractor driving, stock husbandry, milking and fencing. See also: 10 things only a farmer’s child would know Sound impressed when they tell you how many acres they farm. The courgette, tofu, artichoke and broad bean pancake with a nut topping may well not impress. If you think something could develop into a relationship, ask yourself if you can really commit to not getting much sleep (for all the wrong reasons), being totally ignored whenever a weather forecast comes on the TV and taking “holidays” that involve farm visits. Who knows what’s happening – there could be a breakdown or a birth. They will undoubtedly be hard-skinned, grubby and stained beyond the point of no return, but it’s a sign of hard graft. Empty shotgun cartridge cases and penknives are not evidence of violent behaviour, it merely means they have a pigeon problem and use big bales, respectively.

To be on the safe side, the suggested response is: “Wow! Don’t feel overly suspicious if they receive a lot of texts. Don’t say: “I got stuck behind a tractor on the way here, they’re so bloody annoying, aren’t they?

” (A gasp also never goes amiss.) Even if you don’t know your Fords from your Fendts and your Herefords from your Holsteins, look interested when they show you a photo of their most recent purchase, be it an animal or machine. BPS is not a political party, RPA is not a nasty disease and AHDB is not a behavioural disorder. In the unlikely event of a summertime date, it’s probably news that the grain dryer’s on the blink, or a warning that the telehandler is being nicked. It’s not boredom, it’s exhaustion – working 16 hours straight can have that effect. I don’t think they should be allowed on the road.” Absolutely do not wear white if you’re hoping for a lift home.

Don’t under any circumstances order the New Zealand lamb from the menu. It’s highly likely there will be more mud in the car than there is on the farm.

reporters share their dos and don’ts of dating a farmer.

Arrange the date outside of the July-to-September period to steer clear of harvest.

October and November are best to avoid because of drilling. You’ll obviously want to avoid lambing season, too. In fact, there may be a window of about three days in any given year which is good for a date.

When planning the date, be patient if you are waiting for a text. If the date doesn’t go well, falling out with the son or daughter or a neighbouring farmer could result in a family feud that will last four generations.

Russell confesses he hasn't dated since 1989 and Jess replies, "That was the year I learned to use the toaster by myself." Not so hot.